Let’s Get SUPER Personal

Let’s get SUPER personal for a second. This was me….

A whole 95 pounds just about to graduate High School only a few days away from being 18. A year into college I was 105 and I could still shop in the little girls department. I could do and wear almost anything.  As life happens and my athletic life slow down I started to gain weight. Not a lot at first and it wasn’t unhealthy. I was actually healthier by gaining some weight.

0074When I met my husband in 2008 way over my ideal weight and once we got engaged, I worked hard to drop some LBS in order to fit into my dream dress. I weighted in at about 155 on the day of my wedding. It wasn’t ideal but in my mind it was still manageable. About 9 months into marriage we decided to start trying for kids. Our first month trying we got pregnant. 7 weeks in and I miscarried. The first one hit the hardest. I spent about a week in a chair, in a dark room, numb to the world. The next week I woke up and moved on like nothing ever happened. I buried the pain and moved on. Over the next year we had 2 more miscarriages. More burying, more ignoring reality and more eating. For real y’all. I was out of control. Eventual we went to a wholistic doctor to look for a natural way to fix our fertility issues before spending thousands in fertility doctors. One of the biggest things I needed to fix was my weight. I was at 230 and it was hindering our chances.

I would post a photo but by that time I stopped allowing my photo to be taken, unless it was just my face. 

In 2012 we went to Disney World and this is the only proof I have that I was actually there. 413958_239466142835034_402902473_o (2)

 

I’ll keep it small cause I’m not really proud. I was about 211 then. I had dropped enough and got pregnant for our first shortly after this. By that time weight wasn’t the concern, carrying the baby full term was the stress and struggle. Fear gripped me the entire pregnancy and held firm into the first few months Elia’s life. Pregnancy was good for my health and weight. I didn’t realize it really till about the week of her delivery and weighted in at 199 but I had dropped lbs of unhealthy fat while pregnant for her. When she turned 6 months old we got pregnant for our second. When our second turned 9 months old we got pregnant for our third. August of 2015 we had our third, and final , and I vowed to loose the weight within the year.

It’s 2017. Roman, our third, is now almost 2 and I haven’t lost the weight. 202 lbs as of today. We have had a loss in our family. We have moved states. Other various life changing things have happened but in reality I’ve just allowed them to all be excuses.

Well I’m done. I’m tired of getting winded while unloading the dishwasher. I’m done with not being able to keep up with my three very active kids. I’m tried of not being able to wear what I want or have it look right on me. I’m tired of being present in my families life but there being no proof of me ever being there cause pictures are something I rarely allow.

I’ve done the gym thing. I’ve tried the calorie counting,diet life. I’ve done diet pills and other methods and none it really working. So here we go onto a new journey. A new chapter in life. Here’s to an open page and fighting for my health back. I know it won’t always be easy but I’m determined to make it through. I’ve now officially put the facts out there. I’m telling you all I’m gonna do it… now… I’ve gotta follow through. Hopefully in a month or two I’ll feel confident enough to post an update and hopefully I’ll some good results to show.

 

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2 thoughts on “Let’s Get SUPER Personal

  1. Cheering you on, Debby! Thank you for sharing so transparently. All of those feelings are so real. I agree that those traumatic experiences can turn into excuses for not pursuing our goals. BUT, I also think it’s so necessary to acknowledge the very real obstacles that those emotional traumas can be on our health journey.
    You have had multiple roadblocks and you’ve continued to plow through them. Every workout, every season of healthy eating – those haven’t been failures, they have been steps forward on the journey. Imperfect progress.

    I believe you are about to plow through and make some tracks on this health journey!

    Like

    1. Thanks so much! I teared up reading your comment! It’s easy to think you’ve done a good job plowing through hard times but sometimes you feel like your grading yourself on a curve.

      Liked by 1 person

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